A little world.

Once again.

2010-10-18T18:11:00.002+08:00

Even if it's merely a fleeting crush,

or perhaps just a momentary infatuation of sorts,

it's one that's welcome.

Just like you said,

it's been so long.

& even if it'll hurt, it'll be okay,

because that's what we need,

something that will remind us of how we're only human.

Fill the voids that have been empty for so long.

Perfection, the friends of a lifetime.

2010-09-27T11:14:00.001+08:00

Familiarity.

2010-09-12T20:54:00.001+08:00

Because amidst the lies and doubts,

you're the breath of truth i need.

Comforts.

2010-09-10T00:11:00.002+08:00

It's times like this,

that i want to just call you and hear your voice.

When you say it's gonna be alright,

i think then i'll be able to sleep tonight.

because dear friend, you gotta stay strong. you're all i have and need.

The one and only.

2010-09-07T00:01:00.000+08:00

I know i love you,

because what hurts you hurts me.

Just a little lost.

2010-08-30T16:01:00.002+08:00

Everything feels strange.

Without my greys,

it seems like anything can & will go wrong.

A sense of being abandoned to fend for myself,

a lingering feeling of being neglected,

i guess this is how it feels to grow up.

the flaky rain reminiscent of snow that brings so many memories back.

fuck it, whats wrong with me.

Head banging

2010-08-26T17:54:00.003+08:00

It's the little things that are so unsettling,

the ones that churn the emotions

& play with the mind like a fun toy.

For all eternity.

2010-06-21T18:15:00.001+08:00

Because this is how we're going to be. In the past, the present and forever to come.

With lots of love, N

xoxo

So this is it.

2010-06-18T00:02:00.002+08:00

I have officially matriculated and had my medical checkup! The medical checkup was scary initially because i thought they were going to take my blood. *oh my precious blood* but they didnt need to so thank goodness.

& btw, smu's really efficient! They called up today and informed me that they had placed me in run2 for the ftb. Like fast yeah!

There's seriously tons of stuff to do man. Sighs, uni's gonna start real soon.

Of all peculiarities.

2010-06-09T18:31:00.002+08:00

It's when you look through the past and reminisce about those fleeting moments,

that it strikes you on how much we could have gained and loved more than we did.

Yet another chapter in life is all geared up and ready to begin, but it appears that I am perhaps unwilling to embark on this new journey.

Friday's anticipation, Sunday's hesitation.

Fake one.

2010-05-30T22:46:00.003+08:00

YOU ANNOY ME BIGTIME. & I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW HOW IM EVER GONNA TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT, oh wait, i forgot, you dont deserve it.

To decide my fate and live with it.

2010-05-20T20:04:00.002+08:00

Until today, despite me having already decided that smu accountancy is going to be the place i want to study at, i have yet to muster enough courage to accept that offer and reject the rest. Sighs, and another part of me wants to go to nus because my lovelies will be there. I shall just procrastinate and procrastinate until the very last day.

& i cannot help but wonder how you've been.

Stay.

2010-05-10T22:01:00.003+08:00

Linger in my thoughts,

mess with my mind.

Yet another's consort.

Sigh, what's it gonna be.

2010-04-28T17:51:00.002+08:00

All the while, i thought i was all set on going ntu, but when i received the loa from nus yesterday, my mind went into overdrive. It was like all of a sudden going to ntu didn't seem so attractive anymore. & by the way, the package that nus sent totally owned ntu's one piece of paper. Argh, and especially if k's going to nus as well, that would totally make me wanna go nus simply because i cannot imagine life without her.

follow your heart. its exactly because i follow my heart that's why im feeling so conflicted now.

I don't mean what i say.

2010-04-27T22:13:00.002+08:00

Last night i had a dream about you.

I guess i think about you more than i thought i did,

and because its like this,

i never ever want you to know.

i want a star.

The last candle flame that flickers.

2010-04-23T18:03:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was amazingly awesome! It was time well spent at sakura with sheryl, melissa, junhao and of course my beloved kiesha. HAHAHA. Because sheryl told us that junhao was feeling a little blue so we wrote him a nice note of all his good points! Miss melissa key's laughter is OMG madness!! & goodness, there was so much food, food & FOOD! The amount of la la we took was i think enough to feed four families! It was really a wonderful night with the 'singles'.

& anyway, there's gonna be some pre-admission reception at ntu tmr. I know i should go, but am oh so reluctant cause i hate going for such stuff alone.

Cover my ears and keep me safe.

2010-04-20T21:01:00.005+08:00

It's really amazing how perspective and prejudice can make so much of a difference.

Peel the facades one by one, and it appears we have discovered so much more.

Because i believe you're not the only one for me.

When its no longer about who but when.

2010-04-18T22:17:00.002+08:00

Perhaps i used to question the reasons why you chose to cling on so tightly,

but now, the more i look at it, i think i understand why.

fly me to the moon

absence makes the heart grow fonder

2010-04-12T22:15:00.001+08:00

walk away,

i'll rather you not come any closer.

dont turn back,

because i said so.

Major revamps

2010-04-08T19:50:00.001+08:00

In an attempt to revive my blog, i've done some major revamps! Tadah! MUAHAHAHAHA.

i wanna drink starbucks! :(

oh ntu comm studies

2010-04-07T15:51:00.004+08:00

I have not posted in ages mainly due to my laziness, but anyway, im back. MUAHAHAHA.

With regards to uni, I received my acceptance letter from ntu on sat, or rather my mom saw it in the letter box and couldn't help herself but to open it. She called me and shouted into the phone: nicole! you got into communication studies!

I was like HEY! why you open my letter?! and she said, aiya, too anxious, your father tell me not to open but i want to know.

lol, right

But anyway, im hoping to get the outcome of my interview with smu soon. sighs.

and why does ntu have to be so FAR?!

Revival

2009-12-10T11:49:00.005+08:00

Alright, this place is dusty. I know. Hahas. Since im feeling bored, im here to revive it. It wont be alive for long though, HA!, since im leaving for US on sat. Yay! I've been so bored after ver and k left for their respective holidays and i've practically been rotting at home. I received a message from k and i was like OMG when i saw it. HAHA. I was so freaking glad to see it and the snow in the picture looked totally fab. Makes me anticipate my own holiday more. Anyway, i shall just post up some pictures from prom.

Contrary.

2009-10-05T18:56:00.001+08:00

How can it be so void,
that it seems like anyone will do?

Revelation.

2009-09-29T19:42:00.002+08:00

So tempted to ask,
for the sake of knowing,
and to get my mind off it.

Damn, i need some sleep.

With no doors in or out.

2009-09-28T20:29:00.002+08:00

Over and over again,
we find ourselves lost and empty.
The memories we cant let go of,
and new wounds that materialise.

Talking to you makes me wonder a lot,
it seems we really are like two peas in a pod.
And i like that you understand.

Lose control.

2009-07-19T15:24:00.001+08:00

Focus, breathe nicole breathe.
4 months, 4 freaking months.
Fuck a levels.

For all the wrong reasons.

2009-07-17T17:36:00.002+08:00

I feel sad, worried and thankful, all at the same time.
I avoid because im afraid of changes,
because i like holding on to all the beautiful things that had happened.
I fear changes, because what has yet to happen is unpredictable.
But because of that, i always hurt the people i least want to.
Argh, what's wrong with me.

너라고

2009-07-16T16:44:00.007+08:00

Okay, i know i havent been updating in a long long time, so here i am.
Last friday was really exciting cause the greys minus shilin went to kiesha's place for a sleepover. We played more boardgames than i usually would in a year! When we played game of life, the life i had in the game was bloody chaotic. Like initially i was a lawyer turned salesperson turned entertainer who has 2 kids and adopted 2 more. So k's brother said it was like madonna. Lols. The final dare from the truth or dare jenga was hilarious. And like who plays jenga at 2am in the morning?! LOL. We slept at 3 and k's younger brother walked into the room at 10 screaming 'wake up!!! I have tuition at 11!!!'. And the first thing i thought when i opened my eyes was 'kiesha has tuition at 11?!', cause i wasnt wearing my specs and so i thought that the person standing at the door was k. lol. Well that was before i realised she was still lying next to me.

We've also finally gotten back our pw stuff, like the comments and submitted work. Although i already knew we got an a, but it was still nice to read the marker's praises.

Yay, its a decent post!

거짓말

2009-07-08T17:20:00.001+08:00

The emotions i never thought i would feel.

A superficial kinda thing.

2009-07-03T19:51:00.002+08:00

I feel so lost whenever you say something like that.
Its makes me think and think and think so much that i end up frustrated.
The person you are makes me question the things i do and say, so much so it becomes pointless for me to even bother.

For no rhyme or reason.

2009-07-03T19:37:00.002+08:00

I like this picture. Has a nice comfortable feel to it. I like how the background's all dark and the only thing you see is us.

2009-06-20T11:17:00.002+08:00

Went for dinner with gan and jiayi yesterday night, supposedly as our belated birthday celebration. Gan became our camera man because he claimed he was 'camera shy'. LOL. But thanks for dinner gan. And thank you for the wu gui (see below), and yes, its definitely something that would remind us of you. Thank goodness you didnt get all narcissistic and give us a picture of youself.

And btw, the new dessert shop near the yoghurt shop in hub is good. The mango with sago&pomelo's really sweet but really good.
Thank you jiayi for the letter. (:

Okay, next, thank you to 0814 and my beloved greys for the mp3. Much loves. Im touched. (:

Old old old.

2009-06-18T10:08:00.004+08:00

Okay. Im officially 18. Boo. I feel old.
Went out with the greys on mon to celebrate at fish&co the glasshouse. They just had to make me so embarrassed, i almost had to stand on a chair while they sang the birthday song. Thank goodness i was wearing a skirt. Yay, saved by the skirt.
Yes, but im touched, thanks lovelies. Although the pictures are on woon baboon's blog, but i shall just post some.

Oh, and yesterday night, i went traders hotel for buffet, and guess what? I had gastric pains. Boo. So i didnt eat much. But cause i was sitting at the table so much, i was looking around and saw this really good looking guy. LOL. Blessing in disguise eh?

Arghhh! the weather!

2009-06-12T23:21:00.003+08:00

Roar! Its so warm today that i ~~used~~ ate up 4 trays of ice cubes. AHHH! Like ice cubes with my soybean, ice cubes with my water, ice cubes with my milk, ice cubes with practically everything! Damn i feel so sleepy but its SO warm!

A secret to be kept, forever if possible.

totally wasted.

2009-06-07T21:07:00.002+08:00

Its weird how it seems so easy to hold on to the things that tear you apart,
and so trying to look past the pain and embrace the beauty of it.

Perhaps you're right.

2009-06-04T18:01:00.002+08:00

Yeah, maybe i dont understand.
But the bottom line is that i have no intention to.
I dont like being dragged along with your emotions,
just spare me the drama would you.
I dont need to know.

Too much, too fast.

2009-06-02T18:36:00.000+08:00

Its 2nd of june.
Shit.

2009-05-29T15:59:00.003+08:00

Now tell me, which part of that statement do you not understand?
Are you freaking retarded or something?
Basically, i DONT care.
Cause my life's fucked up enough and i dont wanna give a shit about yours.
Are you like testing my patience or something?

Second thoughts.

2009-05-29T14:18:00.002+08:00

Gp exam was today. It was okay i guess. But i kinda regret doing the question i did. Lets put it this way, im always scared for my essay. Im so afraid of writing out of point. But oh well, its over.
Why are you being so bloody arrogant? Why are you being so childish? Freaking aa.

Silence is good.

2009-05-23T20:31:00.002+08:00

You? Dont make me laugh. You, out of so many people, have no bloody right to say that.
Dont be so full of yourself, cause its annoying.
Dont preach your little theories at me, cause you aint any saint yourself.

Playin with fire.

2009-05-17T22:45:00.002+08:00

Empty.
It feels comforting to know im not alone.
Someone who knows exactly how it feels.
The little worries and the premature thoughts.
Empty, fill the gaps.

Irritated

2009-05-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

But why do i have to?
Who are you?
I hate it when you behave like its a must for me.
Grow up, stop being a kid.
You need attention, want attention, yeah, but here's not the place.
Stop making it seem like i have an obligation towards you, cause i dont.
I dont need to, dont want to and dont have to.

The swan song i couldnt wait to finish.

2009-04-17T15:55:00.007+08:00

Yesterday was our syf. I guess the dance went well, well considering the amount of effort put in. On the stage, the were no thoughts of getting a gold or whatsoever. It was like i just wanted to get it over and done with. Vastly different from when we were doing 'set-me-free'. The passion we had for it and the dedication, sweat and euphoria from that dance, i didnt feel yesterday. Rather i felt kinda sad that the last dance in jc had to be a dance like this, one that i felt nothing for. When i saw the drive and pride of the other schools, i thought of 'set-me-free'. That sense of pride was what we didnt have. I felt so unhappy that i didnt love what i was doing. When they announced the results, i didnt feel anything much. No anticipations, no disappointments. For these past few months, yeah, a silver's great.
I miss mf dance, i miss dancing with mf dancers, i miss ms chua, i miss set-me-free.

I wanna drink starbucks now.

2009-04-11T13:24:00.002+08:00

Got pw results on thurs. Thankfully it was an A. All the hard work and effort paid off i guess. We did it, NY071.

Unbelievable

2009-03-30T17:51:00.002+08:00

Omg, i cant believe it, i think i got a gold for napfa. The first time i got it was at the first napfa in p4, and i never got it again until this yr. LOL. Gold for the first and last napfa.
What if we never realised that the one he was talking about is you?

Because i fear.

2009-03-18T18:58:00.002+08:00

The strength and courage to hang on slowly peel away.
And whats left is the uncertainty hidden within.
Where inside is a whole lot of contradictions.
What exactly am i afraid of?
Because i live in my own world, because no one will understand.

Worlds apart.

2009-03-15T18:44:00.004+08:00

Forget it, stupid outburst.
We're all different,
but that doesnt mean we dont need a little love once in a while.
Affection versus malice.

Perhaps, maybe.

2009-03-15T18:42:00.003+08:00

The things that render you helpless.

2009-03-07T21:53:00.001+08:00

This is life.
Face up to it and stop being a fag.

We all need a little love.

2009-03-06T21:17:00.003+08:00

I got a big fat C for chinese. Boo. I was hoping for a B but oh wells. The funny thing was that oral got a distinction, it means that my main paper really sucked. If i did badly for oral, i would have prob ended up with a D. LOL.
Sometimes, its all we need to feel blessed.

Hold on.

2009-02-27T22:50:00.001+08:00

I miss my youth,
i think i haven had enough.
I dont want to grow up,
im not ready to.

Slips through fingers.

2009-02-22T14:20:00.001+08:00

What am i doing here when there's block tests tmr. BOO.
Wake up nicole.
Go study.

Happy birthday eddie gan.

Let go, its okay.

2009-02-20T20:38:00.002+08:00

I dont regret, i just wonder. A lot.

I need a reason to.

2009-02-15T17:49:00.003+08:00

I see no point in trying so hard to make my tomorrow beautiful.
We often question the purpose of life, and it seems i cant find mine.
To life for myself they say, but what is it i want?
Tell me, what can i live for?

Unloved.

2009-02-10T22:34:00.002+08:00

Im a lucky kid. I know.
But sometimes, its more that just that.
I dont need all the fancy things in the world,
cause there's only so much i can use.
The little surprises and effort put in,
thats what we really need.
Once upon a time.

We're lost the smile.

2009-02-09T17:33:00.002+08:00

When we were young,
things were so simple.
When something made us happy,
we laughed.
When we felt hurt or pain,
we cried.

But now,
its just not the same.
A little lost.

Perhaps.

2009-02-03T22:37:00.002+08:00

When i feel so tired and wonder what everything is for.

I stop trying.

Smile, cause its all we've got.

2009-02-02T21:48:00.002+08:00

We used to be so much more truthful.

What exactly are we afraid of?

Overload.

2009-01-31T12:21:00.003+08:00

Some photos from steamboat at ver's place.

Reminiscence.

Hang on.

2009-01-30T20:51:00.003+08:00

Fairydust.

One of those days.

2009-01-22T22:11:00.002+08:00

As the title suggests, its one of those days.
Where i feel insignificant and really alone.
I hate everything, i hate every single itsy bitsy teeny thing.
Hypocrite. Fake smile fake words fake person. Bitch.
Everything, everything's a show.
A parade of facades and lies.
Welcome to my absolutely fucked up world.

Just a little crazy, a little out of control.

2009-01-16T17:13:00.004+08:00

School has officially started. Boo. Open house on tues was okay. We spent most of our time inside the mpr. So some pictures.

Once again.

2009-01-12T23:07:00.001+08:00

Here we go again.
Merely a dream.

Patchwork.

2009-01-09T17:44:00.003+08:00

3 more days to school.
Yes, im an extremely unsympathetic & insensitive person. Have it your way, i dont care. idiot

A new beginning.

2009-01-01T20:54:00.003+08:00

Farewell 2008, hello 2009.

Gosh, what a year.

But why?

2008-12-30T11:39:00.000+08:00

We used to be so happy, really.

Childlike.

2008-12-28T18:53:00.003+08:00

I feel so sad that the year's coming to an end. Roar. Cause that means that soon i've got to go back to school. I dont mind going back actually, but im afraid to considering im not in the 'i've got to slog my guts out & chiong for stupid a' levels mood'. Its 28th december, i wonder how long more it would take for me to wake up.
Ps, after watching mirotic again, i conclude that dbsk is super hot.

Fear, what a wonder.

2008-12-26T15:59:00.004+08:00

Fear, what you could be and what you have become.
The many actions that never fail to surprise.
Judge, i try not to.
But you cant seem to provide reasons why i shouldnt.
My friend, the stranger.

Of all the things that could happen.

2008-12-23T14:02:00.001+08:00

But it was definitely a nice surprise.

If you say so.

2008-12-10T17:55:00.004+08:00

Yay, im gng out on fri with jiayi. I haven seen her in a long long time. I wanna go shopping! Cause there's just so much to buy (self proclaimed necessities).
Was looking at some prom pictures from last yr, & it made me feel like time was passing way too fast. Just a year ago, so much had been different. Seasons change, trends change, people change. Yet its not the change but the rate of it that scares me. As the year comes to a near end, i feel old, but immature. Like a five year old trapped in the body of a seventeen. There's so much of me that is unable to embrace what the future holds.
I like living in the past, for that is all i can be certain of.

Empty

2008-12-09T20:09:00.001+08:00

Looking for something that doesnt exist.
Intoxicated.

For all eternity.

2008-12-06T22:12:00.002+08:00

B&J ice cream & starbucks greentea latte make me happy.
So this is what it had been all the while.

Double standards.

2008-12-05T20:45:00.005+08:00

I went on a shopping spree tdy, bought some nice stuff. It feels good to spend money. & now some pictures from the 0814 bbq which i totally forgot abt.

just a beautiful mistake.

Gluttony

2008-12-04T19:13:00.000+08:00

I wanna go to the ben&jerry's ice cream festival on sat!!

Just this once.

2008-12-04T19:01:00.002+08:00

You're just like magic.
Beautiful illusions that dont exist.

Mesmerise

2008-12-03T19:22:00.000+08:00

Merely a passing dream.
Who ever could expect?

Behind the curtains.

2008-12-01T19:19:00.001+08:00

Dont you ever wonder?
But i do, everyday.

Someday perhaps.

2008-11-29T22:03:00.000+08:00

Long due from shilin's birthday celebration at swensens.

How are you?

2008-11-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

I know i said so. But it seems kinda empty without you now.
Dont tell me that, of course i remember, im the one who said it.

Expect nothing.

2008-11-24T10:18:00.001+08:00

The people you love, who never fail to disappoint.

Fickle fickle.

2008-11-23T18:29:00.002+08:00

Cause you'll never understand the frustration & the pain.
Whispers by the windows.

Smiles&Frowns

2008-11-17T21:09:00.001+08:00

I hate changes.

Short&Sweet

2008-11-16T21:58:00.003+08:00

Alright, after yesterday's long&interesting post, i've decided to post a short&sweet but decent one. LOL. I had 6 greentea jellies, 6 fried mantous, 1 mango pudding, 1 herbal jelly, 1 mango&sago puree, and a lot of other food. And thus!, im gng to go on an exercise frenzy tmr! Lose all the fats! Im gng to wake up at 8.30! I'll try. Okay, thats the end of my short&sweet post.

Take care in obs TZH and PY! Dont talk to strangers(tzh only) and enjoy yourselves!

Long&interesting

2008-11-15T23:19:00.003+08:00

This is a long & interesting post as requested by mr wong ck.

enjoy.

long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting long & interesting.

I hope you like it. (:

Welcome to the past

2008-11-10T19:46:00.002+08:00

Many thoughts seem to run through tonight.
A reflection of lost time & a revisit to the past.
A reappreciation of the countless people who have walked in and out,
and those who stay within.
and its time i let go.

Superficial. Its all just about the smiles.

2008-11-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

With every faltering step, i lose faith.

Tell me lies

2008-11-01T22:22:00.002+08:00

Cause i've ran out of reasons to keep trying.

Superficial

2008-10-31T21:42:00.004+08:00

Damn, what's your prob.
Roar roar roar.
Fucking cheap thrills eh?

Sorry, i just needed that.

2008-10-29T17:40:00.002+08:00

How does it feel to be pushed off the edge?
What happens when i dread moving forward?
A journey of self discovery.

2008-10-27T18:23:00.001+08:00

Pissed off? Like duh, absolutely.
A total lack of respect and initiative.
When it boils down to this, its not funny at all.

Beautiful facades

2008-10-21T20:20:00.001+08:00

Let the rain fall and wash the tears away.
But some things just dont go.

Take a little step.

2008-10-21T15:34:00.002+08:00

Scream and shout.
Wipe away everything that used to matter, and there's nth left.
Cause its all just so superficial.

When i fault knowingly.

2008-10-19T22:44:00.001+08:00

Sleepover madness, i cant wait.

If i cannot envision a future, i cannot live in the present.

2008-10-18T18:16:00.002+08:00

It seems like i've lost my direction. Im walking, without a final destination in mind.
I cant breathe.

Just not so perfect

2008-10-13T17:39:00.002+08:00

HAHA. I love jiayi's photobooth.

2008-10-06T18:29:00.001+08:00

Make me understand.
Curl up and cry, what happens next.

All over again.

2008-09-24T18:25:00.001+08:00

Its moments like this that im all alone.
Scream, but i hear no sound.
The voice that fades into the background.

2008-09-17T20:55:00.001+08:00

Not today, not tomorrow. Maybe never after all.
You said you understood, really? I hear a hint of reluctance.

2008-09-12T20:09:00.000+08:00

This is when life becomes such a chore.
but why?

2008-09-08T21:07:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA. Today was really hilarious. I have no idea why, but we just kept laughing and laughing. The funniest was when i 'kidnapped' eddie gan's bag when he disappeared just before econs. I carried his bag to my seat and covered it with my bag and file. When he came back, he realised his bag was missing and looked around frantically for it. When he looked at kiesha and I, we happily waved back to him like usual, hopelessly trying to suppress our laughter. Finally i stood up, called him over and gave him back. HAHA. I even shook his hand and congratulated him. LOL! Damn funny.